I don’t know where the notion of balance came from. I’m most aware of how this notion has been a part of the conversation surrounding working women. In this context, the idea implies that a woman (who is also likely a mother) who works outside the home or pursues non-familial goals/activities needs to somehow balance, not simply her ideas but her “priorities”, her obligations, due to her traditional female role as caretaker of home and family. An additional goal of this balancing act is also to mitigate feelings of regret and guilt for ourselves and resentment from others who see us as abandoning our first priority as caretakers.
There is a glaring issue with this idea of balance. It relies on a state of aloneness or isolation in how the things on our plates get done. If we are solely responsible for the things that need to be done at home or with family, if we alone must bear the mental burden of regret and resentment, then there is no way to not buy into these notions around balance.
But, there is another way to look at what we expect of ourselves in terms of our contributions in the spaces we occupy and the desires of our hearts.
First, we must decide to see ourselves as part of a larger group of contributors to our life spaces. This means, if we are look at ourselves as occupying space in various relationships to home and work, we will find that we are not the only important contributors to the space. If this is true, then the obligations of those spaces do not belong to simply one person. It belongs to everyone.
In true community the obligations of nurturing family and pursuing work and other interests become the responsibility of all its members. If we are to be successful humans who feel loved, fulfilled and cared for, then the responsibility and accountability to realizing these attributes among community members belongs to everyone. This means that everyone in the family unit, for example, is responsible and accountable to how the members fare within the family unit. And, if it is agreed that when one member needs to pursue other priorities to feel fulfilled, then it is up to everyone in the group to help with all the additional items on her plate, to ensure there is no reason for feelings of guilt and regret. In this way, balance isn’t even a part of the conversation. Because, where one member displaces their intention and attention there will be others who replace it with their own.
There doesn’t have to be balance when everyone chips in. Because there is never any imbalance. When we perceive our lives, not as individual pursuits, but as parts of a whole, as members of communiites where everyone should have your back, then it changes the balance conversation. In a scenario where you see your obligations as only your own you will never achieve balance when you refocus your intentions or attention. So balance does not exist. But, when you have a community of contributors who fill the spaces that you sometimes have to step out of, well, balance is always achieved. And, in this case never has to be pondered again.
How do you define balance? and, how do you achieve it? how far does community extend for you so that you can achieve ideal balance?
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